Why we strive to connect.

Have you ever wondered why it is you like being around people who understand you?

Have you ever wondered why it is that when you find someone who really gets some part of your person that you feel drawn to them and they instantly become acceptable and meaningful to you?

Have you ever stopped to think about why you have this desire for connection?

Well, I don’t think I have all the answers (If any. Mostly, I just have a few thoughts) and what I want to share certainly is not scientific in any way. It is really just an assumption from observations I have made in my life. I think it may be similar for others.


We all strive to connect with everyone we can as much as we can in every moment we get the opportunity to. We look for those that we connect with in some way so that we can connect quicker, closer and deeper.

We do this in an attempt to not be alone, even though we can never truly be completely one with another person, ever. We can only find varying degrees of oneness.

This search for connection, this desire to be one with others, pushes us to find others that we resonate deeply with so that the gap of loneliness is less. We spend each waking moment looking, searching, trying to find one more soul with which we can lessen the loneliness that is seated deep within. You may not be aware that this a purpose in your life but if you will stop and think about it, I think you will see it too.

We long for people to understand us. We all need to be seen, to be heard. Because when we are understood we feel less alone in our existence.

This is what drives us towards relationships.

This is why it hurts so much when relationships fail or stagnate. We thought, we had hope, that we found someone who we connected with on a deeper level so we open up more of ourselves so that we can connect even deeper. Only to find that when we did we found that there was some interference or resistance (often because of fears about parts of our lives that we don’t resonate on) and our connection gets lost… then we feel that stabbing pain of disconnectedness which brings us back to the reality that we are truly alone in our existence. Loneliness is one of the hardest most stabbing painful feelings I know of. It seems it can only be soothed through connection.

When a relationship ends (someone dies or leaves or for whatever reason) we face that awful realization that we are truly alone in our existence. We get a fresh dose of reality and we are forced to confront the truth of our singularity.

All you can do to sooth the pain is look for another connection. Someone, some thing that helps you feel less alone in your existence.

In these brief moments of introspection we find ourselves looking for the meaning of it all. Why are we here? What is the meaning of life? Why do I care? Is there anybody out there for me? Does anyone really get me? If only someone understood me…

It is this search that causes us to look inward and discover who we are, so that we may discover others around us to connect with on a deeper level.

If you have never taken time to search yourself, to find and identify your true self, you should. Until you know you, until you have taken the time to look deep inside and discover who you truly are, what your needs are, what you want in life, you will not be able to identify what draws you to others. You will not know what connections to look for. You may have a vague idea but it helps if you can identify them specifically.

The more we have in common, the more we resonate with someone, the closer we are to feeling that we are not alone in our existence.

This is why the New Relationship Energy (NRE) is so exhilarating. We have connected with another and it fills that need of being seen and heard. It brings connection and causes us to forget about how alone we are in our existence, if even for just a brief moment.

These connections are what make life livable, enjoyable. We all look for them wherever we can find them.

On Facebook we have groups and fan pages. We listen to music that we connect with. We shop at stores we connect with (For instance, Wal-Mart fills the need for value that many of us have, this brings connection by filling a need. They provide value and we feel they understand that need and feel connected to them because of it.).

You can find the connections that exist in your life and why you have these connections if you give it some thought. Not one person alive and with the ability to think is free of this need on some level.

Take some time to look at yourself. Discover who you truly are and what kind of person you are. Think on your life experiences, the choices you made and who those choices made you to be. Because we are all just the sum of our life choices and experiences with a little DNA in there somewhere.

No one will ever have your exact life experience and no one will ever think exactly like you do. You are unique. Even though you are the only you that has ever walked this planet and you are so uniquely equipped to be you and offer your unique expertise to all of your fellow wanderers, you still look for connection and long to be one with all. Because you don’t want to be alone. This is acceptable and normal. Perhaps with a better understanding of you, you will be able to identify and connect with those who more closely resonate with you, thereby removing yourself from loneliness just a bit more.

Let your life find as many connections as you possibly can. The more connected you are the less alone you will feel and this brings bliss.

I wonder… if a person could connect on every level to others in some way so that there was no part left unconnected in that person, what would that feel like?

I wonder if that is what ascension would feel like? I wonder if a person could attain this, would they somehow ascend to some new existence on another plane?

Why we strive to connect is because we don’t want to be lonely. That is an over simplification but it is the root of it.

I did not intend for this post to offer answers to life’s questions as much as to help give you a direction of thought and self exploration. If I have accomplished that then this post has value to me.

Please share your thoughts and ideas about this topic in the comments below.